Right, so the Hammers are the favourites to sign that Calvert-Lewin bellend now that he's finally fucked off from Everton. About bloody time, I say. The tosser's been wasting space at Goodison Park for too long.
I mean, the bloke had one decent season and now thinks he's the dog's bollocks. Please. He's scored a measly 17 goals in the last four seasons. My nan could do better, and she's been dead for 10 years!
The Hammers need a striker
But apparently, West Ham are sniffing around him like he's the best thing since sliced bread. They've been desperate for a decent striker for ages. Michail Antonio is past it, and the less said about that Niclas Fullkrug muppet the better. I wouldn't trust him to score in a brothel with a fistful of fifties.
Newcastle and Man United also interested
Newcastle and Manchester United are supposedly interested too. Well, they can sod off. The Geordies have enough problems without adding this wanker to the mix. And Man United? They've been through more strikers than I've had pints. They're a bloody joke.
Arsenal, Nottingham Forest, Leeds and Tottenham are also apparently considering taking a punt on him. What a load of bellends. They'd be better off flushing their money down the toilet. At least that way they'd have something to show for it.
So there you have it. Calvert-Lewin's a free agent and everyone's losing their minds over him. It's a damn disgrace. The beautiful game deserves better than this shower of shite. Mark my words, whoever signs him will regret it faster than a night out in Newcastle.
