Alan Shearer had people to see, places to be and pints to guzzle down his greedy gullet.
Shearer buggers off to get pissed
Halfway through the latest episode of The Rest Is Football, that bellend Shearer couldn't wait to get the hell out of there and leave host Gary Lineker and Micah Richards to it. Probably had more important things to do like getting rat-arsed.
"Happy travels, Alan," Lineker said, barely hiding his contempt. Probably glad to see the back of him.
Shearer replied: "Cheers lads, have a good night, I'm off to get absolutely hammered." Can't fault his honesty, I suppose.
Shearer's spawn runs a marathon, so what?
Turns out Shearer was off to watch his son, Will, finish the London Marathon. Big bloody deal. Will ran to support the Alan Shearer Foundation, which apparently helps a bunch of people. Good for him, I guess.
Shearer remarked it was his first time watching the event in person and it certainly left a lasting impression on him. "I have to say, it's unbelievable," Shearer said, stating the obvious like a muppet.
Shearer and his family stopped off at the halfway mark and mile 24 to watch the action and cheer Will on. Probably couldn't be arsed to walk the whole way.
Shearer's future son-in-law is a right numpty
The day hadn't been without drama for the former Newcastle player. Chloe's boyfriend, Micky Young, had an absolute mare trying to get to London. What a mug.
Young planned to travel down to the capital on the train after Newcastle United's 3-0 win over Ipswich Town on Saturday afternoon. But the daft twat ended up on a train to Edinburgh instead!
"He got on the fuck*** megabus," Shearer said. "The 10 o'clock megabus, which cost him 30 quid, from Edinburgh to London. He got in at 6:45 this morning."
"I said to him, 'And you are meant to be looking after my fuck*** daughter in the future!'" Shearer added. Probably not the best idea to entrust your daughter to a bloke who can't even get on the right train.
The Newcastle legend added his son celebrated his epic feat with a number of well-deserved pints and that there were more to come that evening. Like father, like son, eh? A right pair of pissheads.
