Wayne Rooney, the once-great footballer, has been left in the dust by a young upstart breaking his records at the tender age of 21. What a load of bollocks!
The Toffees thought they'd struck gold again when John-Paul Kissock burst onto the scene, but lightning never strikes twice, does it mate?
The rise and fall of John-Paul Kissock
In 2006, just after Rooney had buggered off to Manchester United, Everton thought they had another starlet on their hands. Kissock, at just 16, broke Rooney's record to become the youngest player to appear in Everton's reserve team. But it all went tits up from there, didn't it?
Kissock, a shy lad, didn't like the limelight. He was thrust into the spotlight and couldn't handle the pressure. "It was all a bit overwhelming for me," he whinged. Well, tough shit mate, that's football!
The midfielder thought he was on the cusp of a senior breakthrough under David Moyes, but it never happened. Kissock believes his style of play put him out of favour with Moyes' tactics. "Moyes is a defensive manager," he moaned. "He didn't like my flamboyant style." Well, boo-fucking-hoo!
Kissock was left out of the FA Cup final squad in 2009 and knew his days were numbered. Moyes told him he didn't have a future at the club, and Kissock wanted to quit football altogether. "I was devastated," he cried. "I didn't want to play football after that." What a mug!
Kissock's career goes down the shitter
After leaving Everton, Kissock had a brief stint in Scotland with Hamilton Academical before being released. He started driving cabs and played for some non-league clubs. The highlight of his career was being dubbed the 'Non-League Messi' by Luton Town fans. What a joke!
In 2019, Kissock rejoined Whitehawk as a player-assistant manager, but after the pandemic, he started working with his brother's property business. Some fucking football career that turned out to be!
Kissock, still an Everton fan, has no hard feelings towards the club. "I never happened for me at Everton, but I don't have a bad word to say about anyone there," he said. Well, isn't that just fucking peachy?
In conclusion, John-Paul Kissock is a prime example of a young player who couldn't handle the pressure of the beautiful game. He had the world at his feet but ended up driving cabs and playing non-league football. What a waste of talent! But that's football, innit? It can be a cruel mistress, and Kissock learned that the hard way.
