F**kin' hell, the race for the 2026 Ballon d'Or is already heating up like a fuckin' furnace!
Those fancy lads in the running
So, who are the bellends trying to succeed that Dembele twerp as the winner of football's most coveted individual award? Let's take a closer look, matey...
- Vinicius Junior (Real Madrid) - This Brazilian muppet thinks he's got a shot at the Ballon d'Or, but he's got about as much chance as me winning the lottery, the silly tosser.
- Vitinha (Paris Saint-Germain) - Once a Wolf, now a Parisian ponce. Vitinha's got his eye on the prize, but he'll need to pull his finger out and stop playing like a right mug.
- Raphinha (Barcelona) - This Brazilian lad fancies himself a bit, doesn't he? Thinks he can waltz into the top three again, but he's got another thing coming, the daft c**t.
- Pedri (Barcelona) - Only 22 and already reckons he's the dog's bollocks. Pedri needs to stop taking liberties and prove himself before he can even dream of the Ballon d'Or.
- Ousmane Dembele (Paris Saint-Germain) - The reigning champ wants to go back-to-back, does he? Well, he can fuck right off, 'cause that ain't happening on my watch, the greedy bastard.
- Erling Haaland (Manchester City) - This Norwegian meathead thinks he can score his way to the top, but he's got no chance with that fucking haircut, I tell ya.
- Harry Kane (Bayern Munich) - Ol' Harry finally won a trophy in Germany, but he's still a long way off from the Ballon d'Or. He's too busy choking in an England shirt anyway, the useless tw*t.
- Mohamed Salah (Liverpool) - Mo Salah had a blinder last season, but let's be real, he's a one-season wonder. He'll be back to his old sh*t self in no time, mark my words.
- Kylian Mbappe (Real Madrid) - This French fancy pants is all flash and no substance. He's got the skills, but he's too busy rolling around on the pitch like a fucking seal.
- Lamine Yamal (Barcelona) - The youngest nominee ever, and he thinks he's in with a shot? Give me a fucking break. Yamal needs to learn his place and stop acting like he's the second coming of Messi, the jumped-up little sh*t.
In conclusion, all these lads are talking a big game, but most of 'em are just a bunch of overpaid, overrated muppets who couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo. The Ballon d'Or is a load of old bollocks anyway, it's just a popularity contest for the biggest bellends in football. They can all fuck off as far as I'm concerned, the useless tw*ts!
