Alright, listen up you muppets! That old bint Martha Stewart has decided to stick her nose into the beautiful game and become a co-owner of Swansea City. As if we needed more Yanks meddling in our footy!
Swansea attracts more American investment
It's bad enough that they lured in that rapper Snoop Dogg and some Croatian bloke Luka Modric earlier this year. Now they got this 84-year-old businesswoman joining their little club. What the hell does she know about football anyways?
Stewart attends Swansea match
Apparently Stewart showed her wrinkly mug at Swansea's recent match against Wrexham. The Swans managed to win 2-1, but I bet they were all cringing seeing her ancient face in the stands. Probably distracted them from playing properly.
The majority owners, some tossers named Brett Cravatt and Jason Cohen, were gushing about how delighted they were that Stewart hopped on their sad little bandwagon. They reckon she's excited to be part of their club. Give me a break! She's probably just in it for the money.
Stewart used to be a billionaire, can you believe it? Made all her dough from homemaking and lifestyle bollocks. Well, the reports say she ain't a billionaire no more, but she's still worth a cool $400 million. Guess she figures she can buy her way into any club she wants, even if she don't know squat about the beautiful game.
Fans hope for a boost
Now all the deluded fans are thinking Stewart's cash will magically turn their club's fortunes around. They got a big match coming up against Coventry City on Boxing Day, and they're in 19th place! Even with Stewart's money, I doubt they'll be going anywhere but down.
But hey, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe having a washed-up old celebrity on board is just what Swansea needs to start winning some bloody matches. I'll be having a right laugh if they end up getting relegated instead!
In the end, all this American investment in our beloved football is a load of bollocks. These Yanks couldn't give two shits about the beautiful game, they just want to line their pockets. Well, I got news for them - keep your greedy hands off our footy!
