Listen up, you muppets! Manchester United better not even think about signing that bellend Jean-Philippe Mateta from Crystal Palace. Just because he's having a decent run of form doesn't mean he's good enough for the beautiful game at the highest level.
Mateta is not the answer to United's problems
That geezer Troy Deeney hit the nail on the head when he said Mateta isn't even the answer for Palace, so why the hell would he be the solution for United? The lad's had a couple of good games under that new gaffer Oliver Glasner, but let's be real, his goal record before that was absolute shite.
Small sample size doesn't mean jack
Deeney's spot on about not judging a player based on a small sample size. Anyone can have a purple patch, but it takes a true legend to maintain that level consistently. Mateta's got a long way to go before he can even think about lacing up for a big club like United.
The step up from Palace to United is massive
Let's get one thing straight: playing for Crystal Palace and playing for Manchester United are two completely different ball games. The pressure, the expectations, the quality of opposition - it's a whole other level. Just because Mateta's doing alright at Palace doesn't mean he's got what it takes to make it at Old Trafford.
United need a proper No. 9
If United want to solve their striker woes, they need to stop messing around with these pretenders and go out and get a proper No. 9. Someone who knows how to put the ball in the back of the net consistently, week in and week out. Hojlund and Zirkzee have potential, but they're not the answer right now.
So, to all you United fans out there, don't get your hopes up about Mateta. He's not the saviour you've been waiting for. The lad's got a lot to prove before he can even think about pulling on that red shirt. Until then, he's just another flash in the pan.
