Alright you muppets, listen up. Vinicius Junior reckons he's in with a shout for the 2025 Ballon d'Or, but he's got some stiff competition. The little Brazilian fancy boy thinks he's all that, but let's take a look at who he's up against.
Virgil van Dijk (40/1)
This Dutch bellend is captaining Liverpool to the top of the Premier League, but so what? He's 33 and still playing footy, the mug. Thinks he's hard because he's got 20 clean sheets, but I bet he couldn't handle himself in a proper scrap.
Robert Lewandowski (33/1)
This Polish muppet is scoring goals left, right and centre for Barcelona, but he's 36! Shouldn't he be retired by now? Probably uses a zimmer frame to get around the pitch, the old git.
Jude Bellingham (25/1)
This English lad fancies himself after winning LaLiga and the Champions League with Real Madrid. Thinks he's the golden boy, but he's just a flash in the pan. Needs to sort out his disciplinary record, the little shit.
Harry Kane (18/1)
Kane finally looks like he might win something with Bayern Munich, but it's taken him long enough! Spends more time falling over than putting the ball in the back of the net, the diving tosser.
Lamine Yamal (16/1)
This 17-year-old Spanish kid is making waves at Barcelona, but he's just a pup. Thinks he's the dogs bollocks because he's got a few assists, but he's got a lot to learn. Needs to stop running his mouth and focus on his footy.
Ousmane Dembele (14/1)
This French fancy dan is tearing it up for PSG, but he's got a face you just want to punch. Thinks he's the bee's knees because he's scored a few goals, but he's got a long way to go before he's the real deal.
Vinicius Junior (10/1)
This Brazilian bellend came second in last year's Ballon d'Or and now he thinks he's going to win it. He's scored a few goals in the Champions League, but so what? He's just a one-trick pony with a silly haircut.
Mohamed Salah (5/1)
This Egyptian muppet is tearing it up for Liverpool, but he's getting on a bit now. Thinks he's the king of Egypt, but he's just a skinny little bugger with a dodgy barnet. Needs to stop sulking and get on with it.
Raphinha (2/1)
This Brazilian Fancy Dan is lighting up the Champions League for Barcelona, but he's just a show pony. Spends more time on his hair than his footy, the vain little twat. Thinks he's the next Ronaldinho, but he's just a poor man's Neymar.
Kylian Mbappe (5/2)
This French pretty boy is the favourite for the Ballon d'Or, but he's just a cocky little shit. Thinks he's the next Messi or Ronaldo, but he's got a long way to go before he's in their league. Needs to stop posing for selfies and concentrate on his footy, the little prick.
