Alright, you muppets, listen up! The biggest load of bollocks in footy right now is Newcastle United's trophy drought. It's been so long since they won anything, it's a bloody joke!
But now, with their new owners flashing the cash, they've got a chance to end their years of hurt. They're up against Liverpool in the Carabao Cup final, and let me tell you, it's about time these Geordies stepped up.
Newcastle's history of failure
The last major trophy these mugs won was back in 1969. Can you believe that? They lifted the Inter-Cities Fairs Cup, which doesn't even exist anymore! Since then, they've been a bunch of underachieving bellends.
And don't get me started on their domestic honours. You have to go all the way back to 1955 for their last FA Cup win. What a bunch of losers!
The Mike Ashley era of shambles
Under Mike Ashley, Newcastle's chances of winning anything were slimmer than a supermodel on a diet. The fat bastard didn't give a toss about the cups, and it showed on the pitch.
But now, with the Saudi Arabian Public Investment Fund behind them, they've got no excuses. Eddie Howe better deliver some silverware, or he'll be out on his ear faster than you can say "kebab".
Time for the Toon to step up
If these Newcastle players want to be remembered as anything other than a bunch of muppets, they need to win something. And the Carabao Cup is their best chance.
The thought of seeing them lift a trophy makes me sick to my stomach, but I have to admit, it would mean everything to their long-suffering fans. But let's be real, they'll probably bottle it like they always do.
So there you have it, lads. Newcastle United, a club with a history of failure, finally has a chance to win something. But knowing them, they'll find a way to cock it up. Typical Magpies, always letting their fans down. What a bunch of mugs!
