Alright, listen up you muppets! The Toon Army finally has something to cheer about after 70 long bloody years of sweet bugger all! Bruno Guimaraes, the bellend, couldn't have put it any better in his tearful message to the lads. A 2-1 win over Liverpool sees Newcastle end their wait for a domestic trophy. About time, ya wankers!
Bruno's emotional outpouring
"When I first came here I said I wanted to put my name in history," Guimaraes blubbered on. "We can now say we are the champions again. This is one of the best days of my life. I don't have any words. It's the best day of my life. For them [the fans] it's like the World Cup."
Alright, calm down mate! It's just the Carabao Cup, not the bloody World Cup! But fair play, it's a start. And Eddie Howe, now a Geordie legend apparently, was feeling just as emotional. What a pair of soft lads!
Eddie Howe's turn to get soppy
"Naturally you end up thinking of the players, the staff, but also the people who aren't with you – like for me, my mum, family members," Howe whimpered. "You go to them and just think of all the sacrifices, hard work that they gave you as a child to give you the opportunity to have a good life, really."
Well ain't that sweet. It's enough to bring a tear to a glass eye. But let's not forget the real heroes here - the long-suffering Newcastle fans who've had to put up with decades of shite. Finally, they have something to show for all those years of misery and false hope.
The Toon Army's moment of glory
So what do you do when you've waited generations for a pot to piss in? You go out and get absolutely rat-arsed, of course! And the early signs show there'll be a lot of sore heads on Monday morning with the Geordies already drinking it all in - in more ways than one.
Thousands of fans who didn't make the trip to Wembley made their way to St James' Park to bask in their glorious victory. And the celebrations continued in London town too. Fair play to 'em, they've earned it. Just don't expect this to be the start of a dynasty, you deluded muppets!
