Manchester United are eyeing up a new striker this summer, and it looks like they've got their sights set on some muppet to replace that useless tw*t Rasmus Hojlund.
Hojlund heading for the exit?
The Danish bellend has been proper sh*t in front of goal since he signed from Atalanta last summer. He's only managed to score 24 goals in 82 appearances for United, which is f*cking abysmal if you ask me. His goal against Leicester on Sunday was his first in 21 matches - what an absolute joke!
Well, it looks like the United bosses have finally come to their senses and are planning to ship him off at the end of the season, despite having three years left on his contract. About time too, if you ask me!
Who's coming in?
With Hojlund on his way out, United are gonna need a new striker to lead the line. They've been linked with a few names, but the most likely seems to be that Nigerian lad Victor Osimhen.
Osimhen's currently on loan at Galatasaray, where he's been banging in the goals left, right and centre. He won the Serie A golden boot a couple of years back, so he's got a decent pedigree. Plus, his wage demands have apparently come down, so United might actually be able to afford the cheeky b*stard.
There's also been talk of some French kid called Hugo Ekitike, but apparently he's not in any rush to leave his current club, Eintracht Frankfurt. Probably thinks he's too good for the Premier League or some sh*t.
My take on it
Personally, I don't give a flying f*ck who United sign. They've been a proper shambles for years now, and I don't see that changing any time soon. They could sign Messi and Ronaldo and they'd still find a way to f*ck it up.
But hey, what do I know? I'm just a football hooligan who loves nothing more than a good old-fashioned punch-up at the match. But even I can see that United are a bunch of overpaid, underperforming muppets who couldn't score in a brothel with a fistful of fifties.
If they do sign Osimhen, I hope he knows what he's letting himself in for. He'll probably end up getting injured in his first match and spending the rest of the season on the sidelines, like every other poor b*stard who joins that sh*tshow of a club.
Anyway, that's my two cents. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off down the pub to get absolutely bladdered and start a fight with some rival fans. FOOTBALL'S COMING HOME, LADS!
