Usain Bolt, that muppet, thinks he's some kind of football expert, giving his two cents on who Manchester United should sign this summer. What a joke!
Bolt's Dream Signings for United
The bloke's got no clue about the beautiful game, but he's named his three dream signings for the Red Devils. Let's have a look at these so-called "talented" players he's got his eye on, shall we?
Ademola Lookman - Atalanta's Left Winger
Bolt's first pick is Ademola Lookman from Atalanta. Yeah, he had a decent season, scoring 18 goals and providing seven assists, but does he have what it takes to play for a club like United? I'm not so sure, mate.
Cole Palmer - Chelsea's Struggling Star
Next up, we've got Cole Palmer from Chelsea. Sure, he's scored 14 goals and assisted ten this season, but let's be real - he's had a pretty sh*t time at Stamford Bridge. United don't need another flop in their squad, do they?
Viktor Gyokeres - The Striker with an Unpronounceable Name
Lastly, Bolt's gone for some bloke called Viktor Gyokeres from Sporting Lisbon. Apparently, he's scored a ridiculous 95 goals in 98 appearances since joining the Portuguese club. But let's face it, the Premier League is a different kettle of fish.
Bolt's Delusions of Grandeur
I don't know what Bolt's playing at, thinking he can just waltz into the world of football and start calling the shots. Stick to running, mate - leave the footy to those who actually know what they're talking about!
