Alright, you muppets, listen up! That little French bellend, Mbappe, thinks he's all that with his hat-trick in El Clasico. He beat some record that stood for 33 bloody years, but who gives a toss?
Mbappe breaks record, but who cares?
The footy world is going mental over Mbappe's hat-trick, but I ain't impressed. Sure, he scored three goals against Barcelona, taking his season tally to 39. Big whoop! The lad thinks he's God's gift to football, but he's just another overpaid prima donna.
Real Madrid loses despite Mbappe's heroics
Can you believe it? Real Madrid still lost 4-3, even with Mbappe's goals. Barcelona is now on the verge of winning LaLiga, and all anyone can talk about is this French muppet. Get a grip, lads!
Mbappe breaks club record, but it's no big deal
Apparently, Mbappe broke some club record with his first two goals, scoring the most goals in a debut season for Real Madrid. He beat Ivan Zamorano's record from way back in 1992/93. So what? Records are meant to be broken, and it's not like he won them the bloody game!
Ronaldo's record still stands strong
Mbappe might have shattered Ronaldo's tally from his first year in Spain, but he's still got a long way to go to beat the Portuguese legend's best season in Madrid. Ronaldo scored 61 goals in 2014/15, and that's a proper record to aim for, mate!
La Liga Golden Boot race heats up
Mbappe's hat-trick put him at the top of the La Liga scoring charts with 26 goals, but the season ain't over yet. If he wins the Golden Boot, he'll be the first Real Madrid player to do so in three years. Big deal, I say. There's more to footy than just scoring goals, and Mbappe needs to learn that.
In the end, all this fuss over Mbappe is just banter. The lad's got talent, sure, but he's not the second coming of Christ. The beautiful game is about more than just one player, and if Real Madrid wants to win trophies, they better sort out their defence. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a pint waiting for me at the pub. Cheers, mate!
