Manchester United are heading into the single most important summer in the modern era following their worst ever season, and it's an absolute shambles, mate.
Ruben Amorim's first campaign in charge has been a total disaster, with his side absolutely desperate to end a miserable few months. It's been a fucking joke, mate.
The Red Devils had never finished below eighth in the Premier League before but had to settle for a disastrous 15th this term. What an embarrassment, seriously.
On top of that, they were beaten in the Europa League final by Tottenham despite seemingly sacrificing their domestic season for that game. It's a fucking disgrace, mate.
And that's not all, as issues off the pitch with owner Sir Jim Ratcliffe and club staff being made redundant just add to United's problems. It's a shambles from top to bottom, mate.
It leaves them in limbo and the once dominant Premier League giants now have to get their summer and pre-season right to prevent further embarrassment. But let's be real, they'll probably fuck it up again.
Amorim seems set to keep the club's backing and get his first full pre-season as boss, so here are their current plans… but don't get your hopes up, mate.
Man United pre-season schedule
United didn't have to wait long to be back in action after the Premier League ends, which is just fucking brilliant, isn't it?
The Red Devils booked in two friendlies to play on Wednesday, May 28 and Friday, May 30, as part of their post-season tour of Asia. Because that's what you want after a s*** season, more games.
They lost 1-0 to ASEAN All Stars in Kuala Lumpur and take on the Hong Kong National Team before finally going on their summer holidays. What a load of b***ocks.
It won't feel ideal for Amorim and co to be thrown straight into friendly action so soon after their woeful campaign in all competitions. But who cares about the players, right? Let's just make them play more.
But the announcement was made in April and maybe the club would have hoped for a small ounce of success before then… but that's just wishful thinking at this point.
After those games, United will have a break for the summer before returning in July to officially begin their 2025/26 pre-season. Can't fucking wait for that, can you?
United will meet Leeds United in Stockholm, Sweden on Saturday, July 19 to get things started. Because nothing says "pre-season" like playing a Yorkshire team in Sweden.
They will play that game at the Strawberry Arena and kick-off is set for 2pm UK time. Can't wait to see the lads look knackered and out of their depth.
A week after that, the club will then be in the USA to take part in the Premier League Summer Series, which is a regular occurrence in the States. Because nothing says "important pre-season" like a money-grabbing tour of America.
Amorim's men are one of four teams involved, joining Everton, Bournemouth and West Ham, and playing each of them once. Can't wait to see them struggle against these powerhouse teams.
First up, United take on West Ham in New Jersey on July 26 before they then face Bournemouth in Chicago on July 30 and Everton in Atlanta on August 3. What a fucking treat for the fans.
Following that stint in America, United will then return to Manchester and Old Trafford. Thank fuck for that, eh?
They will play Italian side Fiorentina in the Snapdragon Cup in their final pre-season fixture on August 9. Because nothing says "ready for the Premier League" like playing a Serie A team.
The 2025/26 Premier League campaign is set to get going a week later on August 16. And based on this pre-season schedule, United are going to be in for another long, hard season. Brace yourselves, lads.
Fixtures for the new top-flight season are scheduled to be released on June 18. But let's be real, it doesn't matter who United play, they'll find a way to fuck it up.
