Ten major honours with Chelsea? John Obi Mikel, you muppet! You reckon you're the dog's bollocks because you played under a few decent managers?
John Obi Mikel's Chelsea managers
Anyone who's played under José Mourinho, Carlo Ancelotti and Antonio Conte is bound to win trophies. I mean, even my nan could lift a trophy with those geezers in charge. But let's not forget the proper weapons you had in your team, like John Terry, Frank Lampard and Didier Drogba. They're the real reason you won anything.
And don't get me started on playing under 11 managers. That's not something to be proud of, mate. It just shows how much of a shambles Chelsea was during your time there. If it weren't for your teammates carrying you, you'd be playing in the Championship.
Now, I know what you're thinking, "But I played under Roberto Di Matteo, and we won the Champions League!" Yeah, mate, but even a broken clock is right twice a day. Di Matteo was just lucky. He had no clue what he was doing, giving you freedom to play how you wanted. What a mug!
And Avram Grant? The bloke who thought there were 12 players on a football pitch? I bet you had a right laugh about that with your mates down the pub. What a useless twat!
Face it, Mikel, you were just a squad player who got lucky. You played for a big club with a lot of money and world-class managers. I've seen better players in Sunday league, mate.
So, do us all a favour and shut up about your "star-studded list of managers." No one cares. The beautiful game isn't about the managers you've played under; it's about the passion, the banter, and the love for the game. Something a mercenary like you will never understand.
