Alright, listen up you muppets! Those Sunderland bellends are apparently in talks to sign that Granit Xhaka ahead of their return to the top flight. Can you believe it?!
£8.7 million for Xhaka? Taking the piss!
The Black Cats are eyeing up a deal worth £8.7 million for the midfielder. £8.7 bloody million! What a load of bollocks. They must be taking the piss, mate. Xhaka's not worth that much, the mug.
Sunderland in negotiations with Leverkusen
According to some transfer reporter named Sacha Tavolieri, the newly-promoted side are in negotiations with Bayer Leverkusen for Xhaka. They've reportedly offered the 32-year-old a three-year deal at the Stadium of Light. Three years? They must be having a laugh!
Facing competition from Saudi Pro League
But hold on, it gets better. The report also says they face competition for his signature from Saudi Pro League outfit Neom SC. The club have already signed former Premier League "stars" Alexandre Lacazette and Said Behrahma this summer. "Stars" my arse!
Xhaka's time at Leverkusen and Arsenal
Xhaka currently has three years left on his deal at Leverkusen, who he joined from Arsenal in 2023. He won a league and cup double in his debut season with the club. Big bloody deal. The Switzerland international previously spent seven years in England with the Gunners, making 225 Premier League appearances, scoring 17 goals and adding 24 assists. He was also part of two FA Cup-winning sides across his spell in north London. So what? It don't mean shit now.
Sunderland's busy summer spending
Sunderland's interest comes amid a busy summer of spending on Wearside. Regis Le Bris has already splashed out £100 million on six new additions to his squad. Habib Diarra, Simon Adingra, Chemsdine Taibi, and Noah Sadiki have all arrived at the club. Meanwhile, Enzo Le Fee's loan from Roma was made permanent for £20 million, and Reinildo has joined on a free transfer from Atletico Madrid. £100 million spent, and they still want Xhaka? What a bunch of mugs!
The Black Cats will be making their return to the Premier League following an eight-year absence. Promotion was sealed via a dramatic play-off final victory over Sheffield United in May. Their first match of the season at home to West Ham will take place on August 16. It will be their first top-flight fixture since a 5-1 away defeat to Chelsea in May 2017. Can't wait to see them get thrashed again!
