Alright, listen up, you muppets! Those bird-brained Lionesses have only gone and done it again, haven't they? They've stumbled their way through to the knockout stages of the Women's Euro 2025. Blimey, who'd have thought it, eh?
After their fluke win at Wembley in 2022, they've somehow managed to fluke their way to the quarter-finals again. Typical, innit? Always jammy, these lot.
But don't get your hopes up, boys and girls. They're up against Sweden next, and those lasses are proper good, they are. They've won all their games so far and only let in one goal. One bloody goal! The Lionesses have got no chance, if you ask me.
England's chances against Sweden
Let's face it, England are gonna get battered. Absolutely clobbered. The Swedes have got some proper players, like that Blackstenius up front. She's gonna run rings around our defence, matey.
And what about our lot, eh? Bunch of overrated prima donnas, if you ask me. Couldn't hit a barn door with a banjo, most of 'em. They'll be lucky to get a sniff of the ball against Sweden, let alone score a goal.
But hey, who knows? Maybe they'll pull off another fluke win. Stranger things have happened, I suppose. But I wouldn't bet on it, mate. I wouldn't bet on it.
The road ahead
Even if by some miracle England do get past Sweden, they've still got a mountain to climb. Italy in the semis? Forget about it. They're a proper footballing nation, they are. Not like our lot.
And then there's the final. Spain, probably. Or maybe France or Germany. Either way, it's gonna be a proper tough game. Too tough for our girls, if you ask me.
But hey, I'm just a cynical old git, aren't I? What do I know? Maybe they'll prove me wrong. Maybe they'll go all the way and win the whole bloody thing again. But I'll believe it when I see it, mate. I'll believe it when I see it.
In the meantime, I'll be watching from behind the sofa, like the rest of the country. Come on you Lionesses, you muppets. Make us proud, for once in your lives.
