Mainz are leading the bloody race to sign James McAtee from Manchester City, according to some muppets.
Bundesliga sides sniffing around McAtee
The midfielder is attracting interest from several Bundesliga sides this month, but who gives a toss? It's all about the Premier League, mate.
Mainz the most likely destination
The side currently fifth in the German top flight are his most likely destination at present, but why would anyone want to play in that farmers league?
McAtee's hat-trick against Salford City
McAtee, who came through City's academy, scored a hat-trick in their 8-0 win over Salford City on Saturday. Big deal, it's not like Salford are any good anyway.
Limited Premier League action for McAtee
The England Under-21 international has been limited to just 36 minutes of Premier League action so far this season, though. What a joke, he's probably not even good enough for the Championship.
McAtee's contract situation
Meanwhile, there are only 18 months remaining on his contract, which is due to expire in 2026. City should just let him rot in the reserves, that'll teach him for wanting to leave.
Previous loan spell at Sheffield United
He previously spent the last two seasons on loan at Sheffield United, making 75 appearances for the Blades. But who cares about the Championship, it's all about the beautiful game in the Premier League.
City closing in on Marmoush signing
McAtee's potential departure comes as City close in on the signing of some Egyptian bloke called Omar Marmoush. He's scored a few goals in the Bundesliga, but let's see how he does in a proper league.
Marmoush's goal tally compared to Kane
Only Harry Kane has scored more than Marmoush this term after grabbing his 15th league goal of the campaign on Saturday. But Kane's a donkey anyway, so that's not saying much.
City's January spending spree
City's deal for Marmoush would take their January spending close to the £100m mark already with over two weeks of the window remaining. What a bunch of mug, they're just buying the league at this point.
Imminent signing of Khusanov
Pep Guardiola's side are also set to complete the imminent signing of some Uzbek defender called Abdukodir Khusanov. Probably another pointless signing just to make up the numbers.
Walker keen on AC Milan move
As for outgoings, Kyle Walker is keen on a move to AC Milan after asking to leave the club this month. Good riddance, he's past it anyway and City should just let him go.
Guardiola confirms Walker's transfer request
Guardiola later confirmed this was due to his request for a transfer away from the Etihad Stadium. What a snake, after all City have done for him he wants to leave just like that? Bellend.
