Those bloody wankers at Fanatics have announced they're opening their first-ever global flagship store ahead of a new Premier League deal. Big fucking deal, if you ask me.
Fanatics Store Opening on Regent Street
The shop will be located on the iconic Regent Street, showcasing the brand to a footfall of around 70 million people when it opens in spring. Like we need another fucking shop on Regent Street. It's already a sh*tshow there.
Fanatics Expansion into Europe
This marks a big step as Fanatics look to expand further into Europe having dominated America as a $25 billion behemoth. They think they can just waltz in and take over, do they? Well, I've got news for them - football belongs to the fans, not some corporate bellends.
Showcasing Collectibles and Memorabilia
The store will showcase the brand's collectibles which cover UEFA club competitions, including the Champions League, MLB, NBA, WWE, UFC, Formula 1 and more. Oh joy, just what we needed - more overpriced sh*te for mugs to waste their money on.
Premier League Trading Cards and Stickers
Fanatics last year announced that they had beaten Panini to the rights for Premier League trading cards and stickers, which will be made under the Topps brand it bought in 2022. Great, now they're going to be peddling their wares to unsuspecting kids too. Just fucking brilliant.
New Interactive Community Space
Their new store in London will allow fans from around the world to enjoy a new interactive community space. Like hell it will. It'll be a soulless, corporate sh*thole designed to extract as much cash as possible from gullible footy fans.
The store will include a state-of-the-art breaking studio, where creators can open packs and boxes for their audiences, interactive customer education touchpoints, and a personal card creation suite. Because that's what football is all about, isn't it? F**king card collecting. Jesus wept.
There will also a central display of the rarest and most-desirable cards, all with a giant suspended circular screen above. I'm sure that'll impress the muppets who are stupid enough to set foot in this place.
More Corporate Bollocks
The move comes after Fanatics' successful collectibles pop-up store in Westfield London. Successful for them, maybe, but a fucking disaster for anyone with a shred of integrity.
The space, as well as selling collectibles has hosted events, including a night with Tottenham star Dominic Solanke and Chelsea defender Tosin Adarabioyo. They should be fucking ashamed of themselves, selling out to this lot.
And there will be more of the same to come at the Regent Street store. I can hardly fucking wait.
“We are incredibly excited to cut the ribbon on this amazing community-building retail space, one that we hope will delight collectors and be a true home for the hobby in Europe,” said Topps President of Trading Cards, David Leiner. Delight collectors? More like bleed them dry, you insufferable tw*t.
While the store will, in the most part target the enormous trading market, there is going to be plenty more to do and buy. Like a load of old tat that no self-respecting football fan should be caught dead with.
Apparel from Topps and Fanatics-owned Mitchell & Ness will be on sale as well as memorabilia, such as signed kits, jerseys, balls and other equipment. Signed by who? Some poor sod they've got chained up in the back, I'll wager.
There will also entertainment stock on sale after the recent success of Disney, Marvel, Star Wars, Pixar, Garbage Pail Kids, Stranger Things products. Because nothing says "football" like a fucking Baby Yoda action figure.
In conclusion, this whole thing stinks to high heaven. It's just another example of corporate wankers trying to muscle in on the beautiful game and make a quick buck. Well, fuck them and fuck their stupid store. I'll be giving it a wide berth, and I suggest you do the same if you've got any sense.
