Alright, listen up you muppets! It looks like that bellend Harry Kane is planning to stay at Bayern Munich for another year. What a load of bollocks! There were some delusional hopes that he might come back to the Premier League this summer, but it seems like he's too busy sipping on Bavarian beer and munching on pretzels to give a toss about English football.
Kane's release clause is a joke
Apparently, Kane's got some sort of release clause in his contract that drops to £54 million for an English team in January. Who the hell cares? Manchester United were apparently on alert, thinking they might have a chance to sign him. Well, tough luck, you mugs!
Kane's "happy" in Bavaria
Some sources close to Kane are saying he's "happy" in Bavaria and wants to have a go at defending the Bundesliga title and winning the Champions League. What a load of nonsense! Since when did happiness matter in football? It's all about the money and the trophies, you muppet!
Kane's England place is secure
Kane knows his England place is secure as long as he keeps scoring goals for Bayern. Big deal! Who cares about England anyway? It's all about the beautiful game at club level, and Kane's too busy living it up in Germany to give a damn about the Premier League.
Kane's Premier League record slipping away
With Kane staying in Germany, his chances of becoming the Premier League's all-time leading goalscorer are slipping through his fingers like a greasy sausage. He's scored 213 times in the Premier League, but who gives a toss? Alan Shearer's record of 260 is safe for now, and that's all that matters.
Kane's priorities are all wrong
Kane's more interested in winning major trophies than individual accolades. What a mug! Everyone knows that personal glory is what really counts in football. Who cares about team success when you can have your name in the record books?
In conclusion, Harry Kane can sod off to Germany and stay there for all I care. The Premier League doesn't need him, and we certainly don't want him back. He can enjoy his bratwurst and sauerkraut while the rest of us get on with the real business of football. What a bellend!
