Alright, listen up you muppets! I've got some footy news that'll make your bloody day. Chris Wilder, that legend of a manager, might be coming back to Sheffield United! Can you believe it? The Blades are thinking about giving that bellend Ruben Selles the boot after just a few months in charge. What a joke!
Wilder's triumphant return to Sheffield United?
My sources close to the club, and trust me, I've got my ears to the ground, are saying that Wilder's already been tapped up for a third stint as gaffer. They sacked him 87 days ago after losing the playoff final, but Selles has been a right mug, losing all six of his games in charge. Pathetic!
Selles got the chop from Hull City just before he rocked up at Bramall Lane in June. Now, he's facing the axe again. Serves him right, I say! A 5-0 drubbing by Ipswich Town on Friday means Sheffield United are still pointless and stuck at the bottom of the Championship table. What a bunch of losers!
The South Yorkshire lads have lost five games on the trot since the start of the season and haven't scored a single goal since the opening day last month. They even crashed out of the Carabao Cup in the first round. Selles hasn't had a single competitive win in any bloody competition. It's a disgrace!
From promotion hopefuls to relegation fodder
This is a massive fall from grace for the Blades, who were the pre-season favourites to go up. They made it to the Championship playoff final in May, but now they're a laughing stock. Wilder nearly got them back to the Premier League at the first time of asking, but they bottled it against Sunderland at Wembley.
Wilder had a chat with some footy pundits the morning after the playoff final, and he was still gutted about the loss. He was looking ahead to the summer, but the ungrateful bastards at Sheffield United gave him the sack less than a month later, even though he had three years left on his contract. What a slap in the face!
But get this: the club's most successful gaffer in recent years won promotion with the Blades twice during his first spell in charge. Wilder led them to the League One title in 2017 and then got them into the top flight two years later. He's a bloody hero!
Selles on thin ice as Wilder waits in the wings
Sheffield United's owners, COH Sports, have approached Wilder about the possibility of him coming back for a third spell in charge of his boyhood club. He's already had two stints as a player, so why not give him another go in the dugout?
The Blades are off to their worst start in the second tier for 30 years, since they lost their first five games in the 1995/96 season. Selles' tactics have been absolutely shambolic, and the fans are fed up. He even dropped Gustavo Hamer, last year's EFL Championship Player of the Season, for the 5-0 hammering by Ipswich. What was he thinking?
The COH bigwigs were at Portman Road on Friday night to put the pressure on Selles. I reckon he's a dead man walking. Bring back Wilder, I say! He's the only one who can sort out this mess and get the Blades back where they belong. In the Premier League, playing the beautiful game!
