Alright, listen up you muppets, Barcelona have gone and done it again. They've decided not to offer Robert Lewandowski a new contract. What a bunch of bellends!
Lewandowski is in the twilight of his career, having turned 37 in August, but there can be little concern about his form. The Poland captain scored 42 goals last season and has four in all competitions this year, despite making just four starts. Who cares if he's getting on a bit? He's still got it!
Who is Robert Lewandowski's wife?
Last year, Anna Lewandowska claimed her husband is physically 11 years younger than his age, thanks to a 'backwards diet'. Anna, a fitness guru and ex-Karate World Cup champion, credits the unusual eating habits with keeping the striker at the top of his game. Can you believe that? A dietitian who actually knows what she's doing!
“A Premier League club should sign him for a year at least,” European football broadcaster Andy Brassell said. “He's got loads left in the tank; he was fantastic last season. The best he's been in several seasons. Of course, we all know that his wife is a dietitian and keeps him on quite a short leash, which makes a difference as well. But his fitness has generally been excellent. He's still one of the most dangerous number nines in world football!”
Barcelona reach Lewandowski contract 'decision'
Reports in Spain broke the news that the Catalans won't renew their star striker's deal when it expires at the end of the season. Brassell added: “There is one reason that Barcelona are getting rid of him, and that's money. They're still on the hook for an absolutely massive contract for someone who's 37. That's something that they can't do."
“Quite how they can replace him with someone of that sort of quality I find hard to imagine. I tend to think that he's not completely gone yet. I wonder if they kick the can down the road and just give him another year, and that would probably be the most sensible thing from their perspective because they can't afford to go out and buy someone of Lewandowski's standard now."
What is Lewandowski's backwards diet?
Pep Guardiola once called Lewandowski 'the most professional player' who 'thinks about the right food, sleep and training 24 hours a day.' The backwards eating diet sees the Lewandowskis first have dessert, typically a brownie, but only if it's made from pure cocoa. The couple will then have meat or fish, and finally an entree-style option of salad or soup, while they've also hired a sleeping coach.
“No blue light, no TV in the bedroom,” Anna said. “The mattress has to be of high quality. The smell in the room is quite special. The room temperature is not higher than 21 degrees Celsius.” What a load of nonsense!
